A Very Non-Review Review of OBLIVION

I’m starting to debate if I need to rip up my man card or not.  I’ve turned into the biggest sap on the planet.

Prime example:  I just finished watching the movie Oblivion with Tom Cruise and Morgan Freeman.  Now if you don’t want to know about the film I’d quite reading as there will be a few spoilers obviously, or this would be the shortest, most vague post ever.

To give a quick recap for those of you reading and not knowing what the movie was about.  When you’re introduced to Cruise’s character, all you are told is he’s a guy that works on these drones that patrol what is left of a destroyed Earth.  The opening of the film gives a narration of what happened and gives some shots of landmarks and other things, very Planet of the Apes-ish or any post apocalyptic film.  They all follow the same equation to give views that one quick thrill.  Through the process of the film you learn everything Cruise thought he knew, and told us, was a lie.  He keeps having these dreams, but feel like memories, and he keeps dreaming about this girl and he doesn’t know why.  Then suddenly *gasp* he finds the girl he was dreaming about and saves her *dramatic shock* and she ends up being his wife *say wha?!* You eventually learn that he (Cruise) is actually one of thousands of clones, yada yada yada, you know how it is it Scientology.  Morgan Freeman gets to wear cool sunglasses, sport a nice white goatee, smoke a cigar and be all Morgan Freeman badass.  You know, how he does.  We also have the Kingslayer, Jaime Lannister himself stopping by to help Morgan Freeman, and from the looks of him, its right after Catelyn Stark releases him, so of course I was look for Brienne half this movie.  Guess she got insinerated by one of the drones, I don’t know.

So the resolution of the movie: Cruise’s character makes the whole noble sacrifice to save the human race just like Uncle Eddie did in ID4, but also in the process saves his wife (there’s a whole switch-a-roo), who he had just met and learned who she was, because he had his memory erased, cause he’s a clone, but still has fragments of memories, you know, same old formula.  So the movie ends with a narration from Cruise, and its been 3 years since he save the earth from HAL 9000’s evil sister.  We see his wife, with a small girl, obviously her and Cruise’s character’s daughter.  Well just knowing this part I get sappy, but then they show another of the clones, who you are to assume also has these memory fragments so he recognizes his wife.  The little girl points and asks her mommy who the man is, who is obviously her father (or a clone of her father.  Honestly this film’s clone crap is more convoluted than the Clone Saga from the Spider-Man comics)  When the little girl asks who the man is, and then they show Cruise, who has a look of acknowledgement to his eyes, I seriously freaking teared up!  I kid you not!!

And for all those asking, no I do not have a vagina, and yes I have checked.  The last 2 minutes of a sci-fi film, admittedly not a bad sci-fi film, regardless of my description, made me tear up like a woman watching The Notebook.  Obviously I need to go outside and chop some wood or go kill an animal or something just to compensate.

And to simplify the film more and compare it to the aforementioned Spider-Man Clone Saga:  Peter Parker was an astronaut who was captured and cloned by Hal 9000’s evil sister.  We follow Ben Riley throughout the film as he learns the truth about everything, realizing his entire existence is a lie, and we end the film with Kaine finding the wife and child of Peter Parker.

The actual film looks stunning though, even if the story is a bit “eh” at times.